Why I Fail (Or, a Quick Tutorial in Klutziness)

Freshman year of high school, I broke my wrist while playing basketball in P.E. I tripped over my own two feet, and in a vain attempt to stop the most epic face-plant ever, I put my right hand out. My extended arm did nothing to slow down the gravitational pull from the earth/glossy gym floor and my face. I ended up with a broken wrist, skinned knees, and a significantly smaller amount of dignity.

The summer after my sophomore year of high school, I was showing a goat at Polk County Fair for FFA. While I was running over to the animal barns to meet a friend of mine who was visiting, I jumped over a cable fence (the cable was about a foot off the ground), and didn't quite clear it; my foot caught and I ended up face-planting... again. This time, I knew better than to stick my right arm out to stop my fall. This time, I put my left arm out. Turns out, my left arm is no more effective at fighting gravity than my right arm. Once I caught my breath (I had the wind knocked out of me, too) and joined my friends, they took me to the Red Cross tent. Later that evening, they were prescribing me Vicodin in the Emergency Room and making me a splint.

My latest fall/failure at staying upright: Saturday night. I was walking across Brigg's Field toward Simmons, treading carefully on the ice-pack and fresh powder that had accumulated. I had gone about thirty feet, when my feet were no longer underneath me and I landed flat on my back. I also did a bang-up job (no pun intended... okay, maybe it was intended) and hit my head. I was completely conscious, so I got up and continued my trek (though with a lot more care). All day Sunday, and today (Monday), I had a monstrous headache. It's been sound- and light-sensitive, and I've basically been a little out of it. A quick trip to Medical this afternoon resulted in a diagnosis of "concussion" and instructions to take it easy and buy a bottle of Excedrin. The beautiful combination of acetaminophen, aspirin and caffeine has helped significantly, however.

I think these three anecdotes successfully support the claim that I am a complete klutz. I think they also show that I am completely shameless regarding my klutziness because I definitely just published three embarrassing stories about myself on the internet for the whole world to read. Fabulous. Well, klutziness for the win.